My heart squeezed tight as I breathed into it. Squeezing tight is now the only reaction it knows to have at the threat of anything coming near it. Even Love. The battle my heart and I wage against the fear of enduring any more pain is my war with myself.
My disappointment at my heart squeezing tight during the simple act of breathing brought me to an anguished scream, a bit of a laugh at the futility of this ridiculous charade, and then tears. Frustrated tears.
My arms, belly and legs all became indefinable as my vibration rose. The separation I accept daily to be between my physical body and air became less acceptable. Just a wee taste of being free of this manifestation. Being free of this human suit designed for lesson learning. "Please, please, please help me be one with you." In that moment I was willing to do anything…sell my soul…in order to be, solely, Infinite Love.
When the meditation ended I opened my eyes. "Good God am I hungry!" 30 minutes later, driving home with a happy pork chop in my purse and a handle of Odwalla Superfood in my lap, I looked to my left at the sun setting behind the mountains. My chest was tight. Too tight. I saw the forests of pine trees as the car wound along the curves in the road. "It's good. This is good. The tightness will pass. It may take some time, but it will pass. I'm learning."
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well well well. She's a bloggin' now. Don't let anything stop this flow of GENIUS at work. Please? 'Cause we need you Chrissy. We really need you.
ReplyDeletexoxoA
Interesting.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure what these "insights" or "understandings" are or what they are really called, but you do a good job describing them. To me they seem related to presque vu and deja vu -- the almost seen and the again seen. Maybe there is some other "vu" of which I am not aware.
If you try to extend them, they dissappear almost like meditation when you think, "I've finally got it!" and that causes you to loose it. It's best to just enjoy them, then, as you suggest, write about them, draw them, or whatever.
If you practice relaxing "in" them you will find they begin to last longer and come more frequently -- sort of like an actor or athlete who gets "in the zone" and there does his/her best, but later doesn't really remember it exactly.
Enjoy!!
Some Old Guy